Untitled.

It's not every day you wake up feeling as though you are living on borrowed time. I found myself lying in bed wondering how I could still fidget around with all my limbs still in tact as I felt the cold winter air envelope my body. How did I survive? Did I take my eyes off the road? Was I drowning too deep in all those thoughts of everything but nothing at all? All those questions were all left unanswered. It was like staring at an exam paper not knowing a single answer to any of the questions. How did I end up inside an overturned car when a second ago I was driving at 110 km/h? Was the paramedic trying to tell me that I was supposed to be in a black body bag instead of walking away with just a few scratches on my leg? I even remembered him telling me that it was miraculous and that I should be up early the day after to get a lottery ticket. That was not how I wanted to die. Whatever happened, happened too fast and I'm convinced that any memory of what caused the accident died on that highway. All of what happened yesterday is still in the process of sinking into this thick skull of mine. Just this morning I was at the tow truck company's garage looking at what might have been the 'weapon' that should have absorbed the life out of me. It happened at night and I could not see what was left of the car. Would I still be here if it was a metal divider instead of shrubs and a fence? Did I try to avoid something? Why are all these questions being answered with more questions? I want answers! Who am I kidding. I was alone and the only person that should know what happened is me, myself and I. If you ask me, I would have liked a few days in between to calm my nerves before being shown what was left of the car and the crash site. But I just kept quiet as I was being driven there. Did they want to remind me how lucky I was or want me to learn from my mistakes the hard way? Just a kilometre after the crash site was a memorial put in place for someone that probably suffered the same fate as I did but wasn't as lucky. I was feeling really morbid and wondered if I would have had one if I did not live to tell the tale. Maybe life is not what people portray it to be. Life does not have its ups and downs. It only goes one way, up to heaven or down to hell. Maybe it's just me. Sigh.